Friday, August 20, 2010
Confusing Emotion
Well.. I got to thank those who showed me your concern.. I really appreciate your understanding and encouraging words.. Though its not easy to overcome all this but no worries I will 加油!!Well.. I plucked up the courage to tell mum.. She gave me a expression-less face.. I was dumb-founded.. I thought she would not be able to take it and burst in tears.. But she didn't.. She only tell me that she going to my Da Jiu's place.. I was totally shocked at how calme she is..But we normally know when a person showed u the calm face normally their internal was struggling.. I suddenly dunno what my mum is thinking.. I worried further.. I asked her is she ok.. She said ya and tell me go prepare for my class.. Then she packed her bag and went off...Hmm.. Today went for class.. I brought my writing notes but not my text book.. Its obvious I didn't bring my mind to school today.. Hmm.. Go to sign my attendance and went off..Went ECP to chill.. I wanna get rid of what I am thinking.. I kept thinking about the times I had with granny.. I faced lots of people leaving this world throughout my life till now.. Firstly, when I was 3.. My closest 3rd uncle, my dad's bro, left because he got drunk and fell in toilet.. Then when I was 9, my ah gong, my mum's dad, passed away because of stomach cancer.. 3 days later, 阿姨's husband whom also KC & KW's dad, Uncle Mike, passed away.. Then when I was 14, my beloved cousin, Willy Choo, passed away because of a car accident that happened few days ago which he didn't know that it had injured him but when he went to see doc its already too late.. His internal organs are bleeding.. I pitied my nephew whom are too young at that time..When I was 15, my dad's eldest sis passed on because of lung cancer.. When I was 16, struggling with school stress and N levels.. My Ah Ma left me, its was a pain as she looked after me most of the time when I came over to live in SG with her & my parents.. But I spent most of my time with her than my parents.. I hardly see my parents due to they came home like 12am.. When she left, my world became darkness.. Thanks to my dad, he showed me care & concern.. Pulled me out of darkness.. I became closer to him.. When I was 24, he left me.. I only really understand him was this 8 years.. Why the people who I am closed to, left me 1 by 1.. It is so pain that I tried to bear each and every one of it..Now I am 25, my Granny told me she is leaving anytime.. Why I have yet overcome the death of my dad, she had to leave.. There's too many why.. Nobody can really tell me how to overcome it.. But face it.. I can face all this but what about my feelings.. It is not dead.. Ya I have my mum to take care.. But I am worried is my mum.. I dunno she can take it or not.. I really scared she got depression.. Losing my dad is enough for her to go through at her age.. She's not young to me.. But like me, she hasn't got over the lost of my dad.. Now she had face the going to lose feeling of her mum whom to every one of us, she's healthy to say goodbye.. I always felt Granny could live more than 90.. More than Ah Ma actually.. My Ah Ma left this bloody world at the age of 92.. I hope Granny can live this long..Earlier I got home.. I looked at mum.. I could tell she cried.. I purposely do not want to come home early because with me around she will hide her emotions.. I put down my bag in my room, I walked back out and asked her, "Mummy, u dun seems right.. Did u call Granny?"Mum kept silence and looked at me.. Its so solemn.. I sensed things are not right.. Her eyes were teary.. I turned my eyes away as I know any moment I am gonna get my tears rolling.. I could feel the pain that was welling up in her heart.. Every night I could not sleep, I heard her calling out to my dad.. For some of u thought I am like to sleep till way after 12pm..I really feels that they dun even know a bloody thing that is going on.. Imagine I had been sleeping at 7am every morning.. Sleeping 5 hours a day.. It is not bloody enough for me.. I dun say doesn't mean that I slept more than enough.. I really dislike it when people shoot me right in my face saying I am hard to wake up.. When I do not have enough sleep I will wanna sleep more.. If u try to wake me up without letting me to sleep enough.. Then I could say, u got to be safe than sorry.. When I not enough sleep its better that u watch your words or u got shoot by me.. I may not have enough sleep.. As long as I am awake.. My mind is working.. I may speak nonsense.. But just dun try to be funny..Even my mum dare not wake me up.. Coz she know the reason why.. I told her.. So no matter what she will let me sleep till I wake up.. My emotional is going up and down.. I really feeling damn vex..This is a note to 黄光伟 (KW)..Eh.. Ah Pek... U idiot.. Post the stupid msg for what on my blog.. U need to be kick is it? Kns de.. I didn't ans yr call bcoz I am sleeping and for instance u give miss call doesn't mean need to reply as u gave 1 miss call = not urgent.. Returned for wat.. Plus u dun call me that often.. U didn't even msg me to return call and your msg in front only state "Eh this is an info of what Granny says....." Geez...... Its an info.. Then what do u expect me to reply u? U know I won't call back when I find it not important.. Btw granny didn't tell me about that.. I know u always big mouth.. No secrets can be kept.. That's why I hardly tell u things.. I rather tell Kor Kor.. What I tell u, u will tell your mum.. Idiot.. U wanna let people know.. Now I help u publicize.. Kns..Somemore hor.. I dun like to bluff granny.. Got means got.. Dun have means dun have.. Why muz u bluff her.. Anyway she knows I dun have.. If got I will tell her myself.. Dun need u be KPO!!!! Really an Ah Pek... So its obvious that u are bluffing her.. Lol.. Sunday u prepare to kanna scold by her lo.. I won't have to ease her.. U ease her yrself.. Wahahahaz.. **BaKa**
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