Woke up and slacked awhile.. Went City Square Mall to shop and bought some DVDs, foot massager for mum and groceries.. Spent S$100 and got lucky draw.. I got this:
Wootz!!!
Had Subway for lunch and after that went to TPY to meet Xavier to buy KOI and headed to school together.. LoL.. Benson reached school at 3.30pm and as expected.. He is reading newspaper.. LoL...
Hmm.. Then we find seats to settle down.. Passed Benson his FA notes as he last week had reservist so didn't attend lesson.. Lent him BM notes to copy.. LoL.. Then I started doing my project.. Trying to be funny.. I search everything on Wiki instead of through references.. LoL.. Slowly la.. Hahaz.. Online can get books references.. May head down to Central Library one day.. Wonder will there be any kind peeps wanna accompany me or I am juz a lonely soul.. LoL...
Well.. I FB-ed more than doing my assignment.. LoL.. Then around 6pm we headed off to our classroom to put our bags and went to have dinner at canteen.. Xavier thought I would be having Breakfast Set but I didn't ordered Chicken Chop but the meat is so thin and the portion is small.. LoL..
Then we started talking about relationship and discussed about Thurs KTV.. Well.. They are more interested on when will I be in a relationship.. Diaoz... Thanks for the concern huh.. LoL.. I am kinda like the odd one out who is single in our group.. LoL.. But it doesn't really matter ya.. Hahaz..
If got fate then say la.. I also dunno when will the day comes.. I think if keep looking forward to it, it will flow to yr side but it will drift far away.. Well.. Taking things slowly.. Although tomorrow is unknown.. So what for think about it.. Hahaz.. We can plan and plan and plan.. But will it come a not.. We are unsure.. LoL...
Class was as usual.. Lecturer spoke fast, slides going fast and I am taking down notes aimlessly and missing some pointers coz she goes to the next slide without waiting for people to digest.. Then I slowly becomes stoning and continuing what I am doing without any understanding.. LoL.. Seems dead huh.. Hahaz...
Lesson ended slightly a little late today and I missed my bus.. Next bus was fast today.. Hahaz.. Didn't wait too long. Yeah!! After lesson seems so tired.. LoL.. Dragging my foot to the bus stop.. As I am walking Dee msg me that he ended lesson.. But I didn't wait for him as I am lazy to wait.. Hahaz...
Hmm.. Having received messages regarding how my dad passed away and some of u also requested that u wanna know from the day he went hospital till we scattered his ashes.. So I think I will say just every thing in detail of we did, feel and done during that period.. Alrightz.. Lazy to re-type so many times.. So had asked all of u to come my Blog instead... Here's the answer u all want.. (I tried to remember as detailed as possible as I dun wanna remind myself about the incident.. **Heart Breaks**)
On 9 July 2009, Thursday, as usual I woke up to prepare to work.. Kinda lethargic as the day before slept late due to talking and joking around too much with Dad.. But today doesn't seem as much usual as the other days..
I walked out of my room, heading my way to the living room.. I saw a shadow.. Eyes still blurry.. Stood at the alter and blinked a few times.. I saw Dad was pacing up and down from the window to the middle of the living room.. He was holding onto his head..
Then I greeted him as usual, "Daddy, Good Morning.. (No one expect this is the last morning that he gonna hear that I am greeting him..)"
Then my dad replied erm... and continued to rub and hit his head lightly with his hands... Then I started to notice.. My dad's tongue a little slurred... I started to ask him, "Daddy what happen to u?"
Dad answered me in an uncleared voice, "My head hurts.. Dunno what happen.."
We go see doctor now want a not.. My dad doesn't believe in doctor.. He replied, "No.."
Then I was panicked and asked, "Daddy, u want take a sit a not? Maybe will feel a bit better.."
Dad replied, "No.."
I asked again, "U really dun want see doc ar... I think u better see leh.."
Dad replied, "No......."
I dunno what to do.. I called Bro... Then called mum.... Bro didn't get to talked to dad... He hold dad's hand and told me, "Jie, Daddy's hands are cold.." I am having cold feet.. Then suddenly dad started to struggle.. Mum asked Dad wanna go hospital.. Dad still insist dun wan.. I know my dad wanna passed on at home.. Then mum suggested to him to go hospital.. He had no choice but to give in then..
I called the ambulance as somehow admin stuff of my dad I knew it all.. Then shortly the ambulance arrived.. The medics could not get the reading of my dad's BP and heart rate.. I was frozen.. Scared stiffed.. They told me its critical and need to rush to hospital.. Then dad wanna vomit but nothing came out.. Not long.. Dad's saliva started to bubbling.. We knew its something worse we got to prepare but dunno how worse is it gonna to be at that moment.. I told them my dad had records in TTSH... So they sent him there.. Mum went with them..
Bro and I changed then we took cab down.. Bro keep tell me to relax.. I dunno how to.... When we reached hospital, tried to locate for mum.. Then mum told me what happen in the ambulance.. Dad struggled in the ambulance when try to inject something.. Mum wasn't allow to see.. Dad screamed.. When they arrived in hospital.. Dad was in coma..
Saw Dad being pushed for a brain scanned.. Tried to call him but no answer.. Not long the Neurologist came to us.. He said my Dad a brain hemorrhage.. I replied, "Is there any operation able to cure my dad?"
The doc gave me a disappointed look.. My heart and mood totally went down to negative.. He said, "Your dad's main brain stem was damaged.. No operation will actually bring him back to life.."
Bro and mum was more stable and I collapsed... I can't take that piece of news at all.. I told Dad I will be strong no matter what but I broke my promise.. Then the doc told me I could do the admission stuff for my dad..
I wanted Dad to B ward.. But they say that my dad condition is critical.. He only be warded into C... I wasn't pleased but well.. No choice.. Dad then was transferred from A & E to C ward ICU..
Looked at Dad, spent most of my time with Dad and talked to him.. Observed Dad a little.. Saw his thin white hair growing on his mustache & eyebrows.. He is also breathing with machine assisted with tubes being inserted down his throat.. Goosebumps were seen on me as it really let me feels the pain Dad was going through.. Then Dad had some reflexes but Doc said its his body muscles reflecting and he said my Dad doesn't feel any pain at all coz his body is no longer connected to the brain.. Not my dad's brain controlling his movements.. I was puzzled at the terms of Brain Hemorrhage so I went to ask the Doc in-charge of my dad.. He is kinda kind.. He took a piece of paper and drew out the layout for me to understand (Well u can wiki the term of it, I am lazy to explain).. Bro was with me.. While mum was resting at the visitor's corner.. I got the whole pic.. But the doc told me not to worry.. They will monitor him.. If there's any changes in my dad's condition or what they inform us..
Bro went out to accompany mum.. I informed all my Uncles, Aunts and M'sia Relatives.. Well tried to be calm to called them.. Hardly speak dialects and lucky my dad trained me frequently at home to speak my dialect.. So when talking my dad's siblings, I will not face probs.. Thanks Dad... Well.. My dad is the youngest in the Family so I got a lot to call..
My uncles & aunts all came.. M'sia I asked them dun come coz a bit ma fan.. 小舅 got to help me tend shop and do business.. Then Po Po is old and I kept it from her.. 阿姨dun say.. She afraid to hear such news.. But Ah Wei came visit my dad..
Spent our days and nights in the hospital.. When my uncles and aunts are there.. We went home to bath and brush our teeth.. Ya no one will believe it.. I am kinda pampered till I had never slept on chairs before.. No comfy bed I won't sleep.. But since Dad went into coma.. I day and night slept on the chairs.. Lying straight with my backpack is my head rest.. My jacket as my blanket to pass my nite there.. Once in awhile wake up to check on my dad and talked to him.. But no responses.. Helped Dad to wipe his face and get the dirt out of his eye..
Friends came to visit.. Helped me packed lunch and dinner.. I am appreciate when my friend did.. Everyday without fail.. Then on the 13 July 2009, Monday.. The doc did a reviewed on my dad.. He spoke to me and my bro.. He said that he give us 2 days to decide whether to unplug the tube from my dad to let him breath on his own till his last breath or let them operate on him by doing a opening at my dad's throat to let him breathe but nursing care will be needed after that as now my dad seems to able to breath on his own and depend less on the machine.. (Got improvement.. I was happy to know that but sad to know when I questioned further)
I asked the doc, "If we let u operate my dad, will he be able to wake up and speak to us?"
The doc replied, "Sorry, after operation.. Your dad doesn't have to insert the tube into his mouth as opening at his throat will be helping him to breathe and he will still like now lying there without any movements.."
Then I asked again, "So what's the survival rate between operating and unplugging the tube to allow my dad breathe on his own?"
The doc replied, "Operating him may allow him to survive for 6 months with proper nursing care if unplugging the tube to allow him to breathe on his own, he may last only a few hours to a few days.. If miracles maybe months.. But mostly this kind of patient, they dun last that long.."
I was totally lost at this moment... How much I wished that 9 July doesn't come at all.. Time just stopped at 8 July... Then bro told me, "Jie I dun wan Daddy to have a hole at his throat.. I dun Daddy to pass on ugly.. Can we maintain his beautiful features?"
Mum also pleaded me.. I replied, "I have no intention of letting Dad to go through operation.. They operate or not.. Daddy will still leave us.. Daddy no longer can joke with us.. We can't be back to what we could do like on 8 July.."
Bro then asked me, "So we let Daddy breathe till his last using his own breath?"
I said, "I think this is the best choice for Dad as Dad told us before that he is prepared for this day to come but just dunno when.. Since the decision is so harsh but seems like its predicted... We followed what Dad had requested.. Fulfilled his last wish.."
2 days passed, 15 July 2009, the doc asked us for an answer... My youngest Aunt asked the doc to give Bro and me another day to decide as this is the life of my dad and its in our hands.. She dun wan us to feel regret about it..
We had planned everything for Dad since the day he admitted hospital.. The person to find for his funeral and everything.. We got the contacts on hand.. Then the following day, 16 July 2009, at 11am.. The doc approached us.. Everyone is in hospital today as we knew my dad either survives tonight or no.. So everyone took off and be at his side to accompany him walk his last on earth..
I took the courage to give my decision... The doc then say alright.. He will do the removal at 11.30am.. So I asked for some personal time with my dad.. Spoke to him.. Hope Dad can survived and be strong.. I finished the personal time with dad.. Looking at his BP, heart rate, breathing rate and remember the numbers..
Then we went out to rest.. I was in a daze.. I totally cannot think anymore.. I went in to accompany Dad.. They dun allow me to see the removal of the tube.. So I waited outside Dad's ward.. It took 10mins for the removal.. Then the doc say he will monitor my dad for a while.. If he's stable.. They will move him to the normal ward..
So was looking at my dad's condition.. He was doing fine.. He is trying his very best to breathe on his own.. I kept tell my dad to jiayou.. He showed me he is trying his best.. At around 5pm.. The doc spoke to us.. He said my dad's condition is stabled.. So they are moving him to ward 10D.. So we waited for the nurse to push my dad out before we went 10th floor...
When they had settled my dad, I went to do a check.. I was freaking particular about how they handle my dad.. Then I realized my dad wasn't being place properly.. His fingers suddenly turned black.. I was furious.. I called for nurse but no one reacted.. WTF!!! I screamed and scolded them from my dad's bed.. Then they gave attention.. KNS... This is the service of C class.... Wat lousy service is this.. Then I told the staff nurse... Oxygen lacked and patient not being placed properly.. This is called the care of a nurse.. Where's your responsibility? I am angry.. I lost control of my temper.. I flung at everyone who did a slightest mistake.. Then slowly everything back to normal and I am at eased...
I had no appetite for dinner.. So I accompanied Dad while the rest went for dinner.. Not long they are back.. Then we chatted and I told them Dad's hands are getting icy cold.. Bro tried to feel Dad's pulse and its faint.. We then looked at the machine.. Heart rate is dropping.. We called everyone in.. We knew Dad is leaving.. As told by Dad that before he leaves, Bro and me got kneel next to him to give him our last respect.. We did as told.. No tears shed... 7.35pm my dad left to another world.. Got the doc to check and everything.. Bro went to report Dad's death and get the funeral service to come and collect Dad's body.. Then I told bro to let them know that Dad didn't want to donate any of his organs and we collecting the body right away..
I stayed with Dad's body.. He left in peace.. Dad's was totally cold.. Not long they came and collect Dad's body.. Then we went off to the Funeral Service shop to choose Coffin.. Its freaking eerie in there.. I had goosebumps.. Chose a nice one for Dad... Then we looked at Dad's body before leaving for home..
We couldn't sleep at all.. Really can't take the lost of my dad.... Sitting at Dad's fave spot and stone.. Got my neighbour to help out with the praying stuff as I knew nuts about it and I am not into it.. While Bro knows a little and so does mum.. They did what they could and I was packing Dad's clothes to be put into the coffin.. Everything was done till wee hours.. Then I ate a little but no appetite..
Next day morning around 9am, went down to wait for Dad's body and not long it arrived.. Did all the rituals and everything.. Stoned at there.. Looked at my Dad.. Dunno what to do... 5 days of wake and funeral was on 20 July 2009.. Went Mandai to Cremate my Dad's body.. Then on 21st July 2009, went back Mandai to collect Dad's Ashes and went Changi to take a boat out to sea to scattered the ashes.. Well.. That's the last we had in contact with Dad's body..
Well.. While typing all this.. Memories really flashed back and I realized I didn't missed out any.. Its like everything was juz yesterday.. Tears still rolled down my face as I typed.. I dun think I will forget what had happened on that day.. So to all kind souls, let this be the last u asked about my dad's death as I dun wanna repeat it anymore.. It really feels super pain in the heart and mind... Thanks a lot...