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Thursday, July 10, 2008



Today back to work.. Kinda Sianx.. Moody dun feel like going to work.. Basically my sleep this few days are base on medicine.. Medicine effects over I woke up and stare at the dark ceiling of my room.. Thoughts of buying sleeping pills.. Maybe I should buy bahx.. Hard to sleep.. Words wanna say but like hard to say..

Cry is what I am doing everyday.. But does anybody knows.. Feeling miserable can anyone feel it.. Everyday people see the sleepy and crappy Renee.. But what actually I am thinking and feeling.. I hiding it.. Going to work and try to do things.. But actually kinda no mood..


Today reach work I found my things are messed up.. Its all that stupid Operation Dept's Sandy.. Damn angry.. I arranged my things till like 10plus then can start to do my thing.. I can't tolerate anymore and I went to find Lela, Operation Manager.. Asking her why Sandy so free to come bother about Accounts Dept thing.. I tell her if Sandy like to do Accounts job so much, I dun mind to swap or just ask Pearly to pay me my July pay and she can do my work.. I can relax.. I really dun mind lohx coz take pay yet dun have to work.. Who also want lohx.. IDIOT!!

Today really super moody.. Office so politics.. I asking myself What's Wrong!! I can't figure out.. Feeling damn giddy.. Today went toilet due to upset stomach and in the end I vomitted what I eaten too.. It had been happening for days.. Its bcoz I no appetite.. Dinner I didn't finish at all.. Eat 2-3 mouth.. I either throw away or give my bro eat..

I really losing my mind.. Kept thinking this and that.. I really dunno.. Really hard to say what I am feeling right now.. I try to tell my Dear.. Never mind.. Taking things step by step bahx.. Earlier walk home, heavy rain.. Lightning striking.. No umbrella.. Good one.. Walk in the rain.. Kinda peaceful.. Rain washing my tears away.. For once I asked myself, have I forsaken my fear of lightning or I couldn't be bother.. My heart feeling burden..

I dunno when can I regain my smile..

I really dunno.. I really afraid.. This Fear is building inside me.. I AM SCARED!! Sorry due to personal reasons.. Some of the things I prefer to buried in my heart or tell my Dear and my peeps..

Into A World of Emptiness @ 21:30

Wednesday, July 9, 2008



Sick Sick!! Applied sick leave.. Msg Dear and call Hammie telling them I today didn't go work due to I am unwell.. Yupx.. Piggie is SICK!! Sianx..

Yest didn't sleep well.. Haiz.. Dun wanna brood over it le.. Think is I think too much.. Hmm.. Took a dose of my medicine liaox then I hit back my bed to continue sleeping.. Sianx.. Medication put me to sleep quite fast.. Woke up around 12 noon.. Everybody having lunch time now..

Msg Dear.. He gave short reply.. He still sound sian sian de.. Dunno how to make him happy.. Useless me.. Haiz.. Woke up and washed up.. Eat lunch.. No chicken so eat pork porridge instead.. After that surf net chat with Hammie and she told me my masks is with her le.. She tomorrow then pass to me.. I order quite a few lohx.. Need to 保養 liaox.. If not next time skin not that good.. This is my Dear said de.. Heez.. Hmm.. I also update my blog a little coz if not growing spider webs le.. Hahaz.. Always wanna update but I plainly LAZY only.. Hahaz..

Nap wake up.. Then I msg my Dear.. Waiting to call him when he off work.. Then when I called him.. Chat awhile he says he wanna nap on bus.. So we hang up.. Went to bath and have dinner.. Ok going to wait for Dear's call and sleep early.. Tomorrow back to a dreading work before Friday and finally my short weekends with my Dear.. Hehez..

Into A World of Emptiness @ 20:19

Tuesday, July 8, 2008



Today something happen to our newly thumb drive.. Dear msg me saying our thumb drive is spoilt.. Hmm.. Suan le.. I also dunno how it spoilt.. Came home check net hope to get it repair.. It seems like its no repair services instead of refund services avail.. =.="

Never mind.. Maybe get the refund and buy a new one again.. Sianx though but telling myself no point brooding over it.. Dear mood was down for the day.. Hmm.. After work, Dear going home and his colleague taking the same bus as him coz he wanna go meet his gf.. Damn sianx.. Hopes of talking to my Dear on phone juz clash like that.. What to do.. Listen to music on my phone.. My mood was totally down too.. Get down at bugis went to buy dinner for bro and myself.. Dear called me when he reaches home.. But I was on my way to enter my lift.. Hang up with him as I have no hands to open door.. coz I holding my phone on my right hand and my left hand is carrying food..

So reach home.. I change and talk to Dad who is eating vegetarian today due to my house God birthday.. Then he went out to get his own food.. I went to take a nap as I feeling lil giddy.. Maybe this lil nap would help me.. Woke up eat my food alittle and feeling like wanna puke.. So ask bro and mum to help me finish up my food.. No appetite at all.. Sianx.. What happen to me.. Haiz..

Then went to do my things.. Talk to Dear on phone.. He sounds rather down.. I also dunno.. Haiz.. Feeling damn lost and dunno what to say.. Maybe I am thinking too much.. Hahaz..

Work for today was alright except that someone irritating came mess up my invoices.. I still quite good as I didn't raise my voice.. I rearrange the letters and invoices back to order.. This person is plainly testing my patience.. I waiting for the day to shout at her.. Damn ugly aunty who wants to be a kpo and try to get into the good books of my boss..

Talk to Ted and Jeremy in office today.. Hmm.. They said me.. Say that sometimes try to be heck care a bit.. Don't let people feel that I am always there for them.. They ask me a question, "When people need you, you are always there but when you need someone and yet you can't find one?" This question till now I have not reply them.. I dunno what am I going to say.. I just smile and say I wanna go toilet.. They somehow had said something which I all along trying to neglect or heck care about.. But frankly speaking there's 2 person had been always been there for me.. My Hammie & Tommie.. Hehez.. They give me advise when I need.. They are patience gals whom can speak with de.. Hehez.. Off work le.. Walk together with Hammie to Tiong Bahru.. Coz she taking train and I sure bus home.. Hahaz..

She said she watched 惡作劇2吻.. Hahaz.. She said Renee after you and yr boyfriend watch liaox.. Ask him be like 直樹.. Hahaz.. I smile and nodded at her.. Heez.. Some of my friends said this is nice.. Jenny also says so.. Gonna watch it soon with my Dear.. Hehez..

Hmm.. This few days I had been saying some hurtful words to Hammie.. Think hurt her a lot.. But I also dunno what happen to me.. Its not like me lohx.. I dun discriminate people at all.. Hammie, Sorry for the few days saying some hurtful words.. Think you really got sad about it..

Ok lahx.. Going to sleep le.. Today kinda sianx.. Words can't be expressed at all.. Hope tomorrow will be better.. ^_^

Into A World of Emptiness @ 23:45

Wednesday, July 2, 2008



It seems that I have stopped updating for quite awhile.. I will update soon.. I gonna rant for a moment.. Hehez.. Coz I super no mood and I dunno wat to do but blog.. Lolx..

Hmm.. In office kinda no mood to do work.. Bcoz of yest my mood was totally down.. Some matters juz flash through my mind tat it doesn't seem something that I had chose to listen and trust..

At work yest was like shit.. Out of no where people juz give u troubles.. Nothing but troubles.. Damn sian.. Then when going home.. Mood turns better as I had left my idiot office.. There's no one home.. I find peace..

After tat my bro put me plane.. I alone went to meet JM.. Try to call 某人 but no one pick up.. Sian.. Upon that I was totally no mood.. Wondering in my mind.. Mood went down again.. Something was definitely very obvious and I ask myself am I over sensitive? That question will be put on hold in mind till I get the answer myself. Though I had seek it once and I was satisfied.. But now I ponder about it.. I kinda very sian..

Then when at nite on phone the answer to my question is super obvious.. But I gave a lil of benefits of doubt. So be it.. Couldn't sleep well at all.. Damn it.. The feeling was up tight.. Dunno wat to say as I was thinking if I say will there be a point..

Sometimes juz like wat I said to my friends.. Not many people like to be listening ears and their reply will be, u are thinking for yrself only or say they are not free.. But when they need your ears.. If u reject them, they say u are not friend enough.. Some people they choose people to give their listening ears to.. For me, friends used to say I never tell them wat I thinking.. When I do, all I was said was I gave too many opinions.. Maybe I should have kept quiet like wat I used to be..

My only solution is rant here instead of telling others.. Ya some may say I instead of telling, I am publishing for everyone.. But I dun care anymore.. Coz after wat I had type here.. I really felt ease more.. Hehez.. Hmm.. But I still waiting for that 某人 to call or msg me.. Watever it is.. I really felt that every person have their kiddy way of behaviour and I have learnt to accept it.. Hehez.. Instead of trying to act to give people a better impression, I rather be myself.. I think I only am myself when I am blogging.. Coz I laid my mood here.. Lolx..

Anyway this may offense certain guys, coz I hear from one of my colleagues today that guys character and behaviour are more towards a woman coz they fuss a lot than a woman and sensitivity level is higher than a woman.. Lolx.. All I could say was I kinda agree to wat she says.. Hahaz.. Think out of 10 guys at most 7 will the some woman ego in them.. Lolx.. Sleepy hits me now and lunch is juz half an hour away.. Hehez.. Shall nap when I having lunch.. Today gonna skip lunch.. No appetite at all.. Sian.. Think I sleep to fill my stomach.. Hehez..

Into A World of Emptiness @ 11:30

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