Sunday, April 5, 2009
I am Tired Internally and Externally
Got woke up by ZQ's phone at wee hours of the morning.. FYI I woke up 3 times by his phone and 3 times by his snore.. =.=
I decided to play my PSP to make myself sleep again.. I need to make eyes tired and turn my focus away.. Hmm.. Played till I fall asleep.. Suddenly woke up again.. Yes yes.. Its his snore.. !@#$%^&*
I really go !@#$%^&* all the way la.. Tried to sleep.. Doze off and wake up.. Doze off when he woke up play Maple.. Wake up when he snore.. !@#$%^&*
Hmm.. Woke up at 8 plus.. Chatted with JJ.. I dun wanna sleep le.. I think I go home then sleep.. Hmm.. Asked JJ to wake ZQ up at 9.30am and after that called GJ as I wanna laze around for longer.. Hee.. Hmm.. We have to check out at 1030..
When we were leaving, the sky started to rain so we set at the lobby area to eat JJ's cake.. He baked de wor.. Its nice but I got to say sorry as morning I really no appetiate to eat anything.. Although its really nice but I am super sorry...
After that we slack awhile and decided to head back home.. When we boarded the monorail.. The sky rain again.. This time its super heavy de lo..
Hmm.. Trained back home.. JJ sent me home as my bag is heavy.. Hmm.. But its raining heavily at my area too.. Thought of taking cab.. Waited but no cab avail.. My phone is dead.. Kns.. Hmm.. Waited till it drizzle then walked home.. Who knows when I am about to reach my home.. Just 2 across only.. It heavy downpour again.. Sweat!!
JJ said its my foul mouth coz I said that its best to wait even if its drizzling as I think the rain will be heavy again.. Wah kao.. Damn suay la.. Roar!! Called home using his home.. Dad took his own sweet time to come down and pass me umbrella.. Nice de la.. Wait till no rain.. Then he come.. Kns..
Hmm.. Reached home.. Set up my lappy and after that chat with mum and unpacked my bag.. Mum saw my leg.. Shit.. I tried to use my bag to hide le.. See how she sees my leg.. I feel so bad.. The first qns was what happen this time.. Then I told her I fell on escalator in Giant.. She gave a big fuss.. Then she asked how come like that.. Then I told her the whole story.. She kept quiet.. I know she's worried.. My knee cap since I was a kid always got prob.. I can't kneel too long.. I can't squat too long.. No matter how I try to excerise.. It dun show any improvement.. I hate it!!
Bruises were showing up on my knee.. Its still pain.. But barable.. Haiz.. Mum keep nagging say I dunno how to take care of myself.. The more she say.. The more I am disappointed in myself.. I feel so useless.. I dunno how ask her dun worry.. I only know how to scold and blame myself.. Haiz.. 我真的很没用.. 对自己好失望.. Haiz..
Hmm.. After that mum went uncle's hse.. She asked me dun go.. Stay home and rest.. I listened to her la.. Then I lie on bed.. Stoning.. Thinking of certain things.. I dunno.. Feeling quite lost.. Its something I dunno how to express out in words or expression.. Feeling so congested in between.. I rather keep everything as simple as it is.. After leaving him.. I feel so relaxed and I find my own life.. I am happy but suddenly I felt lost as I do think of him sometimes.. I totally dunno what I want in life.. I really loses my aim and goal out of a sudden.. Lost my fighting spirit.. Recklessness is wat I see in myself now.. I dun want the "me" now.. Its so not me de lo.. Damn....... Freaking...... Sian.......
Hmm.. A lot personal things I dun wanna write here as I think I should also think of others de privacy.. But what I wanna say is I respect everyone's decision.. ^^
Hmm.. Today nothing much as too tired le and I think I am sprouting nonsense.. I shall go get some rest.. Tomorrow back to job hunting day.. For a lot of things happen and if I offended anyone with my words.. I take this opportunity to say: "I AM SORRY!"
For some words or the way I say it, I meant no harm.. I am sorry.. I am not good with my words or actions.. But I may have phase it in the wrong way.. I finally realised something, the person closest to me yet doesn't understand me well.. I am utterly disappointed.. For a moment in time, I drawing myself away le.. I dunno.. I hardly like to talk as I prefer to be quiet.. But I will talk only when I find comfort.. I losing this comfort.. But this doesn't seem impt at all ba.. Coz people always think they are right and I am really tired of this kind of attitude.. Why can't try to accept another person flaws and understand the person better? I am disappointed with my environment and life.. Just wish I could be somewhere no one actually knows me at all.. :(
| 爱好 |
| 达成 |